


Leave It Alone

by UninspiredPoet



Series: Lacrymosa [8]
Category: World of Warcraft
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Lesbian Sex, Misunderstandings, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-19
Updated: 2020-02-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:47:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22795783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UninspiredPoet/pseuds/UninspiredPoet
Summary: Jaina is slowly coming to terms with the fact that she may never be able to see things from Sylvanas's perspective.She is also slowly coming to terms with the fact that she will never be able to walk away from her.“Tolin’a fallah no fale…medo lo sethe sind.”To touch you through the night is to truly live.
Relationships: Jaina Proudmoore/Sylvanas Windrunner
Series: Lacrymosa [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1168997
Comments: 16
Kudos: 141





	Leave It Alone

  
[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/161614435@N03/31672244908/in/datetaken/)  


“You act as though you are ashamed, Jaina.” Sylvanas’s voice was cold in a way that made Jaina wince before she looked over at her.

It was difficult to see her in the darkness of the room. It made the effect of her eyes coupled with the chilled edge of her voice that much more striking. 

“Of what?” Jaina demanded quietly as she glanced towards the seldom-used fireplace. She sounded less troubled than she was, in reality. 

The knowledge that Sylvanas had begun raising more Forsaken had been plaguing her since she had first gotten word of it. 

Two visits ago. 

Two heated, late-night visits that had ended in Sylvanas’s name falling from her lips. In her bed. She told herself tonight wouldn’t be the same. She swore to herself tonight wouldn’t be the same. 

“Of that, I am uncertain,” Sylvanas said - her voice a little lower now. There was heat behind that echoing, frigid quality of her voice. “Perhaps what you should be ashamed of is the fact that you treat me like your personal plaything.” 

Without warning, the hearth blazed so brightly that Sylvanas nearly winced. But she didn’t. She wouldn’t.

Not even in response to the slowly fading glow of Jaina’s eyes, or the wounded look on her face. She just sat behind her desk impassively - her even gaze leveled on Jaina. 

“Have I hit my mark?” 

“Don’t,” Jaina whispered, swallowing thickly before her jaw clenched as her body willed itself into some semblance of composure. “That’s not what you are.”

“I think you’re wrong,” Sylvanas responded, and Jaina saw something flash through her eyes that wasn’t at all cold or guarded or calculating. 

“Don’t make this about you!” Jaina shouted as her brow furrowed and the staff she was still holding cracked sharply against the stone floor. She looked like she’d even surprised herself. “When you already know what it’s about…”

Sylvanas’s ears flicked back in response to the sound. To both the sharp impact that echoed against the stone walls and the unfamiliar sound of Jaina’s raised voice. “The Valkyr, I’m assuming. My solution. This isn’t new news to you, I’m sure. I would have thought you would understand...you, of all people.” 

“There’s nothing about you that I understand, anymore. You’re…” Jaina cut herself off as she watched Sylvanas slowly look away from her. 

She looked strangely defeated as she gazed into the fire that was still burning in her hearth. The flames were tamer now. Softer. 

“I’m what?” Sylvanas asked in a near-whisper. “Ensuring the survival of my people? I would think you would be well-acquainted with that notion. You’ve known. You’ve known, and you’ve come here, anyway. And that is why you are ashamed.”

Jaina began to say something then, and Sylvanas’s sharp words both cut her off and silenced her completely.

“I must still be a terribly good lay for you to disagree with my ideals so vehemently and only now bring your concerns to my attention.” 

The look those words brought to Jaina’s face caused Sylvanas to falter. Caused an unfamiliar, unwanted feeling to attempt to rise in her chest and up her throat. 

“That isn’t fair,” Jaina whispered, not trusting her voice to come out any louder without breaking. 

“Isn’t it?” Sylvanas asked, and it sounded so genuine that Jaina couldn’t help but look at her. Truly look at her. Past the anger and confusion she felt and at the women she had loved since...since she first found out what it meant to truly love someone. 

It felt like all the wind had been let out of her sails. It felt like defeat. She walked past the hearth and rested her staff against the mantle before approaching Sylvanas on her side of the desk and standing in front of her. 

And the way the other woman looked up at her made things no better. 

Sylvanas didn’t need to speak for Jaina to know she was hurting. That Jaina had cut her deep. 

And Jaina pushed her own pain aside the next time she spoke, because that was what she was used to. That was the sacrifice she made every single time. 

“Explain it to me so that I can understand,” Jaina said quietly as Sylvanas turned her chair to face her. “Please make me understand.” 

“I don’t know how it isn’t obvious that I’m merely doing what I have to do.” Sylvanas began evenly. 

“Please, Sylvanas.” Jaina urged with a furrow between her brows. 

“There was a time I didn’t have to explain myself to you,” Sylvanas said quietly, but she kept speaking before Jaina had a chance to respond, she kept speaking. “They have a choice, you know.” 

“What do you mean?” Jaina was closer now. Like she was trying to pull something out of her. A reason. To stay. To rid herself of the guilt she’d been carrying for weeks, now. Perhaps longer. 

“When they are raised, they are given a choice. They don’t have to serve me. They choose to. And they are treated well. I have always treated my people well. And I need them. Without their numbers, there would be nothing standing between the Alliance and Quel’Thalas.” 

Jaina felt almost overwhelmed by the flood of relief that washed over her...and the small tinge of guilt that remained for another reason, entirely. “Okay.” Jaina finally said as Sylvanas reached towards her almost questioningly, but didn’t quite touch her. 

“Okay?” Sylvanas whispered as one of her ears finally shifted from where it had been pressed back nearly this entire time.

“You don’t have to pretend you care about my approval,” Jaina said, and Sylvanas pulled her hand back to rest it over her desk where it had been before. 

Sylvanas was quiet for a while as Jaina looked a little lost. And a hundred other things Sylvanas couldn’t quite comprehend. 

“Are you staying?” She finally asked, and Jaina didn’t even look at her. Her response was immediate if a little quiet. 

“Yes.” 

All at once, that hand that had retreated so quickly came to run up Jaina’s arm to grip it in order to get her closer. The grip was so firm and the following tug so strong that Jaina nearly fell into her until the firmness of Sylvanas pressing her face into her stomach stopped her.

“Don’t be angry with me,” Sylvanas whispered as Jaina’s hands hovered over her. “I can’t bear it.” 

“Yes, you can,” Jaina responded quietly as her hands finally came to rest over Sylvanas’s hood to pull it down slowly. “But I’m not angry with you.” 

As if to accentuate that point, Jaina threaded her fingers slowly into Sylvanas’s hair and stroked along her ears with her thumbs. 

“I understand.” She continued. “I don’t have to like it, but I understand it, now.” 

“They’re still my people.” Sylvanas murmured as Jaina found her wrists in a much gentler grip. One that was meant to keep her doing exactly what she was doing. “I have little left to hold onto.” 

Jaina winced visibly without meaning to and found herself glad Sylvanas hadn’t seen. As if in some sort of consolation, she leaned down and brushed her lips against the cool skin of her cheek and lingered there. “You have me. You’ve always had me. Don’t mistake my frustration for something that it’s not. But I need you to never accuse me of using you, again. That couldn’t be further from the truth.”

“I know.” Sylvanas admitted as she turned her head ever so slightly. Just enough that their lips were almost touching. “I was trying to…” 

“Hurt me.” Jaina offered as she lowered herself to her knees and looked up into Sylvanas’s eyes. It was almost terrifying sometimes how familiar they still were. How different, yet similar the intensity in them could be - color be damned. “So that I wouldn’t hurt you first.” 

“I wonder if it used to be this terrifying to be known by you so utterly.” Sylvanas mused quietly, finally allowing her lips to ghost against Jaina’s as she spoke. 

“Perhaps as terrifying as it still is to be known by you,” Jaina whispered. “You act as though you don’t still know every mechanism that makes me tick.” 

“I had to learn,” Sylvanas responded, and she followed those words that claimed just Jaina’s lower lip in the softest of ways. A way that still made something in Jaina’s chest drop into her stomach. “Sometimes I wonder about all the things I must have forgotten.” 

“Do you?” Jaina asked in a soft, breathy tone as she leaned forward when Sylvanas threatened to pull away. “Do you want to know something that you used to do? Something that was one of my favorite things? It...I mean, everything that we did was something unlike anything I’d ever experienced. You must know that.”

“What was it?” Sylvanas asked earnestly as she suddenly released Jaina’s wrists to instead cradle her face. “Tell me. Please.” 

“Do you remember sitting with me in the Spire, reading those primers with me? Do you remember how patient you were with me, until I could finally understand the things you would murmur in my ear when we were sleeping together?” 

Sylvanas did remember. All in an isntant, she remembered. The recognition came with a shaky exhale and a faint nod before she seemed to come back to herself. “I don’t understand. What was the thing that was one of your favorite things?” 

Jaina let out a noise that sounded like a mix between laughter and just a short, quick breath. “Thalassian is such a beautiful language.” Jaina finally said as she slid one of her hands to knead Sylvanas’s shoulder before she shifted it to the side of her neck. “But I don’t hear it often, and when I do - it’s nothing like the way you spoke it to me.” 

Jaina paused, then, as Sylvanas seemed to lean closer to hear to hear her better despite the fact that Jaina knew she could’ve heard her from across the room if she wanted to. It was like she needed these words. Desperately. 

“The way you spoke your language to me was one of my favorite things.” 

“It wasn’t just mine.” Sylvanas countered as she slowly, carefully threaded her arms around Jaina’s back. “You spoke it beautifully.”

Jaina hadn’t blushed in so long that it was an almost foreign feeling. But Sylvanas enjoyed being able to feel at least that warmth beneath her fingertips when she reached to touch Jaina’s flushed face.

“Tolin’a fallah no fale…medo lo sethe sind.”   
_To touch you through the night is to truly live._

The words fell on Jaina’s ears and broke against her like a crashing wave. One that threatened to swallow her entirely. They brought an uncomfortable thickness to her throat and brought her hands to Sylvanas’s cloak where they gathered the heavy material almost desperately. 

“Do you mean that?” She asked, and her voice cracked in its betrayal.

“Inra anodun.” Sylvanas whispered.   
_Every time._

Jaina nodded weakly as her eyes burned. 

“Turus.” Sylvanas continued, drawing Jaina’s hair away from her face and running her thumbs along her cheeks to catch her tears. “Do you know that word?” 

Jaina shook her head. It wasn’t often, anymore, that she heard a word she didn’t know.

“It means heartsick,” Sylvanas said. “That word, it’s...it was deeper than that. A stronger word. Like if a sickness were a disease. Eating away at something. That’s what the thought of losing you feels like. Do you know that I felt that for a moment before I fell? I felt it for my people. And I felt it for you.”

“Why?” Jaina demanded quietly as her grip on Sylvanas’s cloak tightened and she pressed her face into her shoulder. “Why for me?” 

“Perhaps it was for me, Jaina,” Sylvanas said as she allowed her own head to fall against Jaina’s shoulder in turn. “Perhaps I was mourning those moments you remember. Perhaps I was mourning the memories we would never make.” 

Jaina’s eyes shut tightly then, and she pressed her hands beneath Sylvanas’s shirt - leaving a trail of magic in the wake of her fingertips before she followed that trail back down with her nails and found herself tugged up by an almost too-rough grip around her arms. She met Sylvanas’s gaze and all the intensity in it with just as much of her own. 

“More can be made,” Jaina whispered. Like she as trying to convince someone. Perhaps herself. “It didn’t end that day. I’m right here. I’m here.”

Sylvanas’s skin was still aflame from the paths Jaina’s nails had taken. It had been so unexpected even her perfectly schooled restraint had slipped, and she knew it. She loosened her grip slowly. So as to make it less noticeable. 

“Don’t…” Jaina murmured, slowly rising from her knees to push Sylvanas back against her chair and straddle her lap. “I’m not a girl any longer.” She continued, leaning towards the upward tilt of Sylvanas’s jaw as she splayed her fingers against the front of Sylvanas’s throat just so she could feel the soft growl that she knew would come in response. “If you don’t think I know what you could do to me, you’re wrong.” 

Sylvanas stood with Jaina still against her. Like it was nothing. Like she was weightless. And Jaina’s hand was still a steady presence on her throat. No pressure. No grip. Just a presence. 

“And that’s what you came here for?” Sylvanas asked - her voice dripping with a strange mixture of accusation and lust. 

“No,” Jaina whispered against the corner of her mouth before delivering a gentle bite to the other woman’s lower lip that tingled faintly - just a taste of the power Jaina possessed. “But it’s what I’m staying for. If we’re to make new memories, I don’t want them to be memories of you holding yourself back. Of you acting like you’re some sort of monster who could tear me apart if you weren’t careful.”

“That’s exactly what I am.” Sylvanas husked as Jaina released her lip, but she was already walking her over to the bed. Already digging the tips of her fingers into the undersides of her thighs. 

“I won’t let you,” Jaina whispered just before she found herself on her back on Sylvanas’s bed - looking up at her as she already began untying her robes and pushing them off herself. “But I’ll let you try.” 

As her last shred of willpower began sliding off of her like the skin of a snake, Sylvanas shed her tunic onto the floor the moment her knee first came to rest on the bed between Jaina’s legs. “Do you know what you’re asking me for?” She asked in a low tone as her boots followed suit before she lifted Jaina further up the bed and hovered over her - her hands already spreading the mage’s thighs firmly, though she met no resistance. 

“I’m asking for you.” Jaina whispered breathlessly as her hands came up to tangle in Sylvanas’s hair. “For _you_.” 

As if she needed to offer some sort of consolation, Sylvanas pressed a single, gentle kiss to Jaina’s lips. One of those ones she had had to learn all over again. For this woman who was now asking her to let all of that go.

And she did. 

In a single, quick motion she had Jaina pressed face-first into the mattress and was branding her way across bare, pale shoulders with lips and teeth alike as Jaina pressed up into her and groaned into the blankets that were muffling her voice. 

It wasn’t long before those bites got a little harder. Hard enough that the sharpness of Sylvanas’s fangs nearly broke the surface of Jaina’s skin.

Until Jaina pushed up into them and did it for her. 

Sylvanas hissed in response to the sharp, coppery smell of blood as it flooded her senses - even as little as it was. 

And Jaina found a hand pinning her shoulders. Keeping her face in the blankets and rendering her nearly motionless. 

“Don’t.” Sylvanas gasped into Jaina’s ear as she used one of her knees to nudge Jaina’s legs further apart. “Don’t do that.” 

With a little effort, Jaina managed to turn her head to the side so she could see Sylvanas from the corner of her eye. The rigidity in the muscles of her shoulders and chest. How tightly she was coiled.

She looked like a bow ready to snap under the pressure of its string. 

“Why?” She asked as she gathered as much material into her fists as she could manage. “Because you like it?” 

For a moment, the way Sylvanas bared her fangs was almost menacing. Until it wasn’t. 

Until the sight of it drove any logical thought from her mind, and a fire that desperately needed quenching into the pit of her stomach. Because she knew that look was merely a mask. A mask that hid the vulnerability that Sylvanas was now terrified to allow Jaina to see.

But Jaina saw it. Gods, did she see it. And she felt it in the hand that was slowly slipping over the curve of her ass to part aching flesh and fingertips that trembled as they slipped against her wetness. 

She wanted Sylvanas to bury that perceived weakness into her as deeply as she could. As hard as she wanted to. She wanted...she _needed_ to take it all. 

And from the moment Sylvanas first pressed her fingers into her, Jaina knew this time was different. From the way Sylvanas shuddered over her as she began working those fingers into her, to the way she must have left half a dozen marks across her shoulder blades in those first few moments. 

There were worse things in this world than being so utterly claimed by Sylvanas Windrunner. Far, far worse things. And if there was any question in Sylvanas’s mind as to whether or not Jaina was enjoying this, they were swept away by the way the mage was gasping her name. 

By the ‘harders’ and the breathless, almost unintelligible pleas. Jaina had never needed to come so badly in her life. And between the rocking of Sylvanas’s hips only driving her fingers that much deeper - that much harder - she wasn’t above begging.

“Please. Please, I’m so close.” She managed to gasp out desperately.

She nearly sobbed when, instead of giving her what she wanted, Sylvanas stopped moving almost entirely and simply brushed her lips against the mage’s ear.

“Nimein datad shaaror…” 

The words rolled off Sylvanas’s tongue against Jaina’s ear in a near-growl that was almost as possessive as it was demanding. And Jaina raked through her memory to understand them. 

“I...I d-…”

_Say my name._

Jaina gasped audibly when realization struck her. 

“Sylvanas.” She whispered as she forced her eyes open so she could look over her shoulder at the woman who was now smiling softly down at her. “Sylvanas.” 

Jaina’s recognition coupled with the way her name broke from her throat had Sylvanas turning her almost roughly onto her back and tugging her up along the front of her own body until she was holding her hips against her chest with her legs slung over her shoulders. 

Jaina came at nearly the same moment Sylvanas’s cool, wet tongue first met her clit.

But that wasn’t enough. 

Not for Sylvanas.

She kept going. Flicking with the very tip of her tongue in such a way that Jaina’s hips jerked each time as the blankets in her grip began to tear. 

It was never as obvious as it was right now that Sylvanas no longer needed to breathe, and as a result - when Jaina could finally focus her vision long enough, she was treated to the sight of Sylvanas’s white-knuckle grip on her thighs and her tightly shut eyes as her jaw and her tongue worked in unison - pushing her past her limit and further. Further, until Jaina tried and failed to cry out when she came yet again. 

Her voice was all but gone. _She_ was all but gone.

Only then did Sylvanas finally lower her to the bed and half-fall on top of her when Jaina slipped her legs down to wrap around her waist. Keeping her close. Keeping her from regretting. 

For now, it worked.

For now, Sylvanas basked in the approval that Jaina showered her in by way of fingers running through her hair and along her ears. 

Because even with her chest still heaving and her entire body aching in a way it never had before, Jaina knew Sylvanas needed this. And it was the least she could do. Because she had certainly needed what Sylvanas had just given her. Even if she hadn’t known that when she’d come here tonight. Even if she hadn’t known it until this very moment.

She’d needed to know that even when she begged Sylvanas to be who she truly was inside, now...she was still herself. Still wanting to please Jaina, regardless of how hard or soft the ride was along the way. 

It was a long time before either of them made a sound.

It was Sylvanas that spoke first. 

“I may have left a mark or two.” She whispered as she lifted her head from where it had been resting on Jaina’s shoulder so she could look at her with a slight crease between her brows.

“I wanted you to,” Jaina whispered, her voice still a little hoarse as she reached up to tuck some of Sylvanas’s hair behind one of her ears. “I can’t take you with me anymore...but I can take some things.” 

Sylvanas blinked softly at that. Mulled it over in her head. Failed to come up with an adequate response, all while Jaina watched it happen. Watched the wheels turn behind the softened glow of Sylvanas’s red eyes. 

“It’s still the most beautiful language I’ve ever heard when you speak it.” Jaina finally continued as Sylvanas began moving away from her. 

Whether it was the words Jaina had spoken, or what they’d just shared - Sylvanas seemed less inclined to retreat from the bed than usual.

In fact, she lay close enough that Jaina only needed to let her hand fall to the side for it to land upon Sylvanas’s stomach. She stroked along it idly as a quiet murmur left her when her body finally began to relax. 

“Was it too much?” Sylvanas asked quietly, her eyes focused directly above them on the arched stone of the ceiling. 

“No,” Jaina responded without hesitation. “I can take you, Syl. Then. Now. There’s no difference.”

“There is every difference,” Sylvanas argued - though there was no real bite to her words. 

“Perhaps.” Jaina agreed, her eyes darting down to the now less-than-familiar feeling of Sylvanas’s hand coming to cover her own and twine their fingers together. For a moment, it threw her completely. She just watched as Sylvanas’s thumb stroked across her wrist and against the side of her hand. “But everything changes. ...Almost everything.” 

“What doesn’t?” Sylvanas asked as she slowly guided Jaina’s hand up towards her chest, clearly wanting the kind of attention she could only get from Jaina. 

“My loving you. My needing you.” Jaina whispered, finally turning her head to look at Sylvanas only to find the other woman looking right back at her. “It’s like I need you now more even than I did then.” 

Those soft words from Jaina were followed by an even softer graze of one of Sylvanas’s nipples and the gentle tingle of magic in the wake of her touch, and Sylvanas’s chest rose against the feeling. 

Sylvanas wouldn’t ask Jaina for what she was wanting. She wouldn’t ask that Jaina return anything to her. 

Jaina wondered if she ever would again. If she would ever feel worthy enough to ask for what Jaina freely gave. 

Right now, it didn’t really matter.

Jaina would give Sylvanas anything in this moment. She would weave her magics along her skin and into her flesh until they were both as sated as either of them could be. 

She would give Sylvanas a few moments of peace, and find some of her own as her once-again quick breaths were buried in the crook of Sylvanas’s neck once it was all finally too much for her. For skin that wasn’t supposed to feel, but still sang beneath Jaina’s fingertips. 

An instrument only Jaina could coax into song. 

And it was a beautiful song. 

Beautiful in its brokenness. 

And only for her to hear.

"Leave It Alone"  
Hayley Williams

Don't nobody tell me  
That God don't have a sense of humor  
'Cause now that I want to live  
Well, everybody around me is dyin'  
Now that I finally wanna live  
The ones I love are dyin'

Becoming friends with a noose that I made  
And I keep trying to untie it  
Make it into something useful  
Or maybe hang it through a window pane  
Turn it into a fire escape

It tastes so bitter  
On my tongue  
The truth's a killer  
But I can't leave it alone  
But I can't leave it alone  
But I can't leave it alone

You don't remember  
My name somedays or  
That we're related

It triggers my worry  
Who else am I gonna lose before  
I am ready  
And who's gonna lose me

It tastes so bitter  
On my tongue  
The truth's a killer  
But I can't leave it alone  
But I can't leave it alone  
But I can't leave it alone  
But I can't leave it a-

If you know love  
You best prepare to grieve  
Let it into your open heart and  
Then prepare to let it leave

It tastes so bitter  
The truth's a killer  
But I can't leave it alone


End file.
